Burn it down... be his queen!

I try to hold on but it hurts like crazy, I try to forgive but it looks like its not enough.
I try to be nice and sweet and all that shit and its never enough, I try to be a fucking bitch and its over the board... I try.. Anything. I try not to hurt you and I hurt myself, I try not to hurt me and I hurt you. Its the last time I promise like last night...but I'm so sick of everything and I'm not scared that you are so far from me , I am scared that you are near to persons that are not me.
Oh well they say devil comes on earth dressed like a perfect irresistible man, that you cant resist but become dependent on his love.The thing is that you are my devil and I accepted to dance with you . I knew I was crazy when I gave you my heart without even a blink of an eye.And you made me fall in love so deep that I cant leave ever because I am hocked on your love, you make me an addicted with every kiss, every touch and every time you look at me the way you do.
So many times I tried to run, but I just cached myself running back to you. I don't know anything anymore, my safe place is in your arms. They are protective and warm. You love me , but we are leaving in hell. I love you , and I love all about you, you show me that I am more than I ever knew... And you burn me and make me walk barefoot on that fire, and I started not to mind. But remember dear all of it you teached me , made me stronger, braver... Don't play with the fire that once was yours , now I hold it. for you, for me , for us...
I felt in love with that angel face holding the arrow. Oh I was impressed that you didn't trow it at me but you took it and gaved it to me. Made me your queen. Made me the one with all the power , so that others can bow down in front of your Queen.
The truth is , devil does come in the perfect form that you just cant resist, and your get hooked , but be sure that arrow is yours . Be his , be above all of them, be the queen and make his fire burn just for you.
If you cant handle it , don't fall in love with arrow man.
xoxo
Ybella

The monster

-Hello sweetie , long time ...
-Hi, well I didn't missed you so much, you can leave and never come back...please!
- No sweetie , cuz you cant really live without me...
-I can, you just don't let me.
-We go way back dear, I cant leave you now...could I?

                                                        ...................................................

It started in my early years, I was around 7 maybe , because I think that's the time I remember this started...but I'm not quite sure. I remember only that I was scared. I hate the evening light when my eyes cant adjust to it , and then there was a program on tv with some animals singing, for kids, and then there was hot chocolate milk and that smell, sweet smell...And time for sleep! pyjamas and bad.
I was scare that I have a monster under my bad and if my feet or hand or anything gets out of bad or slip from under my blanket that monster will grab me. Well that seems that all kids have some kind of scary thing in their childhood didn't they? only my brother wasn't afraid of anything because he believed in superman , and he will recur him no matter what no matter who. No monsters in his area.
Well I guess I was just sensible and spoiled. But no one told me the monster can live trough your life and never leave.
Here and there he took a vacation, probably giving me some hopes that he will never come back , but lately he wont leave. The thing is I wonder why?
You see until my high school I slept with my light on. I guess it was my deafens mode for my monster. Than I started to tell someone to close it when I am asleep, after a wile I started to sleep in a darker room but I still needed to see in the dark just a spot of light, and after I nailed it sleeping in total dark.
Now it started not so long ago again. the monster is back and guess what! he wants to stay... And I try not to give him attention but he is damn strong. Believe me I'm not near those 7 years , I'm not teenager , but I guess my life path how I imagine took round tour and nothing is how I planed . I think I cant do nothing about it, just try to stay focused and fight for what I want never to give up on my dreams... This was and still is a though year and this little bastard doesn't make it easier. will someone just babysit him for like the rest of his life :))))))
I'm joking. What is life without a little humor right? well I guess its all about the monsters. The weird thing is I am again fighting with the light and my fear , but the monster was never under the bad...All this time he is making himself comfortable in my had. :) I do love him and we have a long history together but he must go , once and forever.
Now he is packing his bags...
                         
                                                   .........................................................................

-Goodbye sweetie! It was fun living in your had, its full of everything., i will miss you!
-Well bye dear old friend , i wont miss you for sure , but thanks for making me stronger.
- I have an advice for you sweetie, please make an order in your mind, its a mess. I will go now but remember if you are strong enough nothing can brake you and ill stay forever on my vacation.
- thanks monster, take your time, find your crew and miss me from a very long distance.
- now bye bye sweetie, remember you are a strong woman now !

I smiled and waved ...goodbye my little monster friend...maybe i will miss you sometimes. but don't come back ! ever...

xoxo Ybell

Cosmopolitan city

When I heard his steps coming forward to me, I just run so fast and jump into his arms...that feeling...Omg that feeling is really something. I can't tell you what you feel its beyond words, its like thousand of feelings all together ... like happiness and love and safety and herrer and butterfly's and bubbles and your heart ...you just can't count the beats...it will explode!
It's so hot outside and I just feel sweaty , I just see shower in front of me and bed, our soft bed where we will cuddle for a week, a month , forever... just ...there is coffee and work and lunch and dinner and all that routine stuff. But let me live my dream and life I love!
As I saw the apartments, well it was fine , just fine , maybe even a luxury because I have seen worst. For me it doesn't matter as long as I'm happy and safe and home. Because my home is in his arms. So I can live as good as in apartment , house, car, camp or under the bridge as I am home. The city , well the city...First days I was kind of feeling alone , and we need to get it worked out , I have been lost two times in the same street. I couldn't remember the ; name the fucking name of the street, it had nothing to bound with, but finally I know now all the zone, I learned the streets the transportation and well something something just to feel home. So the nights... is what I loved the most. When we were together . Just walking around in the streets , where you can see every time you pass trough something new , even after just half an hour.That is how amazing this city is.. I had made some baby steps in our new city , our new place, our new life. Well right! it isn't easy at all, but we can do it . You know how they say. Love always win!
Life there is how you make it. It can be easy or hard, it can be fast or slow. Its an cosmopolitan city ! It is a wonderful city with a lot to discover. And after years I am sure nobody knows it. Every day is an adventure, every day is a challenge.. But you can be you and no one will judge you , well almost no one :) . So I decided after the first shitty impression that I had or at least I thought I had because I didn't saw or feel nothing near the city bits...I decide , we will start here. Our story from beginning. This is a place for us.
Its a city multinational, multicultural, historical with a lot of secrets a lot of dreams and a lot of magic, it only depends on you if you want to make it come true. Its a city where east, west and new comes all in one. where people look at you but you are proud of being you , where dreams can be reality. Here is where my love story , my career and my life will start.
Welcome to Berlin!

 ( copy right I.R)

Xo xo
Ybella

Its not me , its you..

What if it is really you?
How many time we say yeah its not you , its me...just to not hurt that other person. Why? Do they care not to hurt us? Well if they protect you all this time than its sertenly good to say its not you its me, but otherwise just go with its totally you.I don't get how we always get boned to that guys that are bad for us? or girls... its equal from both part there are all of us out there bad just bad for other one.

It just came to my mind today why every time I have to be the one to change? Why? didn't you just met me like I am, why you want to change me? to hurt me? to not respect my priorities if I respect yours? And If I say to him , please change something its irrelevant what ever it is I ask for he just has always the same excuse " I'm not used to such a commitment" or " I'm not changing for anyone" .
Well first of all when you are already in this relationship that means commitment , understanding, respect and most of all compromises. Where am I doing wrong? I ask and I want to talk and find a compromises to be good for both but I just feel  like I'm fighting alone. Ok maybe sometime I'm just overreacting... And than the second thing... I'm not anyone, I'm the one! And if there is something that I know is that I'm wort it , that you change for me. because I'm not gonna be the only grown up and I will not be the only one to change and do something ...
Where there in any relationship there has to be two ways working like one. If there is not compromises , understanding, respect, open talk, love and all that ...it will never work. As for me , I know what I want... If the other half is not willing to make an effort , well he isn't the one. As for you out there , find that one who will do anything for you ( and I'm not exaggerating ) just anything... that's the one and you deserve the best! Remember its not you....
xo xo
Ybell

Fight for your dreams

When you really want something you will have it, make it happen no mater what. Life is to short to wait always wait for something or someone. I decided to take this vacation even i don't know how will I manage to survive without money but I really think I can and that not all is about money . So a lot of you out there would say well you know I don't have money for this for that... That's not true there is always and believe me its so true...there is always a way to make what you want. So start today and make your dreams come true. Never lose hope!

Today a friend of mine send  me a photo that her dream came true. And right now I am very very happy for her. It doesn't mater that it passed like more than five years to make it happen, she did it! and I am very proud of her. That made me think ...I have always said that when you wish for something you should be careful because you never know when there is a magic in the stars and it can just happen. So I was always thinking what did I do wrong in life ( not that I have been a saint , we all are sinners...) but really having some though time here for few years now. And then it hit me , life is just getting me ready for future. To be strong and not to get out of the right path.
So, as I told you . Its never easy but if you wish for it strong enough it will come true and you cant just sit under the sky and wait for it to fall, of course you have to do something for it , fight for what you want , wish and deserve, go chase your dreams and make them come true don't just sit and watch how they pass you.
Sometime when I look back ( and this is not too gut cuz past is past) I see myself how accomplished I was. I had a work and family and university going on step by step from my twenty something and I think - then why people always wait for something and never have that perfect life. And after two years of perfection I almost hit the bottom. Yeah it was hard, hard enough that depression anxiety and panic had become my bff's for a wile. I always looked back how happy I was and how I had it all... And then one morning I woke up took my baggage and start from zero, without nothing , just nothing.I wont lie to you it was hard and it still is.. Sometimes my old bffs come over for visit but I know now how to handle them. I just had to wake up. Nothing was perfect back then I just lived a dream my way but I never saw outside the box. Now after this whole time I am still vulnerable , sensitive and a bit of a mess but that's me and I will fight and I will chase my dreams step by step ... And one day Ill have it all.
Life did gave me a hard mission , but there are other people out there struggling more than me. And they have to look up and fight for better tomorrow , for their dreams, for them. Nobody will be there to give you a hand , you need to believe in yourself and be strong for you in the first place.
Now, I'm still on my way to my dreams but they are there I know. I started a little project that I love to work, step by step and I am thankful for the first step. In few days I'll be it the arms of my love, that God put him on my life path to show me that there is still love on this Planet and that not all guys are the same. And my dream start to take life ...step by step...
I wish you all to bring your dreams to life and make them come true for your happiness. Fight for them and always be thankful for what you have, because there are others that don't have what you have. Be thankful, be happy , be strong...
xo xo

Photo sources ( Google images)

Ybell

two in one

"-Let me think...so you were dating both of them?

- Yeah..First I was with Steve and after , well we broke up a year or two ago and then I get in touch with his brother and well I was with him. But I didn't sleep with neither of them.

-Than I don't get it...You were with two brothers , you didn't slept with none of them, just kissing and walking around?

-Yeah. So literally I wasn't with them.

-And then for what? Do they kiss too good? how did you miss their dad?

- Come on, you are just rude now.. Your my best friend,,,

-I'm just joking , I don't judge remember...But I don't get you. I just cant imagine that , for me its disgusting but well you wanted to see witch ones DNK fits better with your saliva . hahahha

-Well yeah , I wont tell you nothing anymore,

-Well come on Im joking. And I always was like how guys can be with two sisters? Are those sisters stupid or what? and now my bestie was with two brothers,,,well that's new,,,

-Yeah sweetie, you should try ,

-Nope hun I just cant its too much for me. "

Sourse: (Google Image)

So what is the real story behind being with two siblings, I thin if I had a sister well I wouldn't hate her being with my ex but come on, that's just what... I don't get it, I get guys , they wanna get both have fun and whatever because they are guys and they do this things , but girls... And buying a car and not testing it.. Well for what then?

Than ...a flesh came back  from the past. My exes brother came at some party after few years that we broke up, we all still were friends. Ok so this bro came to me like "who's gonna take you home dear". well I came with some friends so I was showing him the crew and we had a lil chat and jokes and bla bla old times of course about his bro and so on... the night get to an end and here we are back at the same question :

"Hi , so are you going home?

- well yeah I just have to pick up my jacket . So everybody left somehow I was alone. mmm, but that was fine I was just few blocks from my place.

-Let me take you home its dark and you are alone anything can happen,

-Yeah right, I'm fine.

-Well I go in the same direction.

-Ok, sure. "Well here I was thinking he is just polite and he is my exes bro after all...and we were like best buddies back in  time..So we walked and talked and laugh and so on...when we reach the porch I gave him a hug and wanted to get my keys , but he reached my hand and puled me like so near his face that I could see his mustache started to grow ...OMG!

"-mmmm ok, wait what is this about. I just got myself out of the" danger zone"

-I just sorry I was thinking...I just ...wanted to kiss you.

-Damn! No you were not thinking!!!!Are you stupid? Ok I know you had drinkd like too much bu that's never an excuse and Hell NO , I'm not gonna kiss you like ever!

-I'm so sorry."

He turned around and literally run. So Why did I felt like shit? I was yelling that's why, but what was he thinking? I just...I cant understand. Because I was with his brother and I cant never look at him the same way again, because we used to be buddies and that one stupid attempt change all that I was thinking about our "friendship" . And from that night our eyes never met again. Every time " hello, how are you?" he says , facing the ground. 

I think he still feels like shit. 

What about me? I feel fine and proud that not all brothers can have bros exes . That's why I also know if I had a sister we would be those sister no one can have both .

I don't judge you out there who was with both or more siblings that's your choice, but I cant think about me that way. I would feel just cheep. 

Think twice. And whatever you decide just take the right decision so you can walk with your eyes facing the clouds..."

And the real story behind all of this being with two bros or sisters...Well you just don't meant nothing to them, that's one and you know it. If you want to get revenge on the first (because a lot of girls do this shit), well honey they will laugh at you because "bros before hos" and that's forever, and I still think you can do better than that. No judging, its just me... and of course "chicks before dicks "

Sourse: (Google Image)

Xoxo Ybell

friends or just friends...

Well this will always be kind of unanswered question. Can a girl and a guy have that bff kind of bound?
In my opinion they can, in others they cant and in others others opinion mmm that's forbidden because they are obviously screwing. Come on now, really! don't you think they would already being there after a week or two if this was on their mind. Well I read all kind of blogs, newspapers, topics with this title and I still don't get it, can they?

 *or maybe never..

What I know is ...If one of them want to screw the other they would do it by now and they will do it eventually if they don't care about the rest. So if you are a girl, I'm writing from my point of view because I'm not having a facial hair and I definitely don't have, those 20+cm hanging between my legs to tell you from their point , but I can tell you this : If your boyfriend have a girl in his crew like for years (because friendship is based on years of building it) they already screwed each other before you and she is obviously out of the view since you are his girlfriend , fiance or wife right now and you don't have to worry about it because it had happened in past and that's past, you haven't been a saint -so face it. If they didn't do it by now they wont do it because they are just fiends and you have your guy friends ( find it if you don't, they don't bite, they can be friends with you and they are much more bff than girls), and if there was at some point attraction, that's also in the past... So get over that stupid thing that girl and boy can not be friends, they can . Now things change ... If that really bothers you , talk with him. He is your guy and before anyone he should be your bff and you should be his, so talk about it and clear the air. Now before you were his , he had friends, exes and all those girls there around, but since you got your place in his heart and life you should be the first girl he talks to about anything.He will chose you before any of them, if he is really your half. But there are those kind of girls that thinks that you stole from them and he belongs to them in first place, talk about that too. Here is a tip: become friend with his friends so you can know what happens in his friendship life. This way you get to know them all and see by yourself is there a truth or its just in your mind. If there is a girl who doesn't make a bound of friendship with you too, she doesn't make time to meet with you both , she calls him and writes him after midnight (here I dont ment sos sms) , she exchange those kind of 18+ or sexy or whatever photos  or she ignores her boyfriend to talk to yours, than that is a friend who wants to screw your guy. Because guys have a little limited thinking and they don't use their brain as far as we do, take the situation in your hand and deal with it , but like a lady. Always act like a lady. because you are one and you should act like it. Now back on girl - guy friendship... Me , personally , I really think they can be just friends but there should be some restrictions when you have a relationship and that you should talk with your half. As for you, make some boundaries between your guy friends so they know where they stand from the beginning.
We were talking about years of friendship, what about new one? that's easy. When you start to be friend with a new friend of opposite sex you just have to say "We are just friends, I am in a relationship and I'm not screwing you, ever!'' If they are still there, than they are JUST friends my dears. And for those who are oldies they should already know " We are just friends, this is what we signed for "

So we can be friends all of us as long as we know what we can and what we cant screw .


Xoxo Ybell

After years , its prom again ...

Well hello my little "Paris" night

The weather is shitty and its raining , but its not gonna kill my mood to wear my new
hells.All I need is that optimistic part to activate and believe that my Charlotte Russe,
 cherry hells will survive tonight. Its been a long time that I didn't saw your faces
so you need to shine, I believe I am .
The evening is starting to get the start hour closer and closer, and like always I am late.
But my very best friend is picking me up for a drink before the party starts. We need to get
a little bit encouragement , after all it has been ten years we didn't see some faces.Getting
our fabulous asses in car and get on the way to attend the ten years anniversary party. I
cant keep but wonder, how do they all look and how does those all dresses and suits look up
on them after those years. I guess girls are wearing their confidence piece of jewelry or heels
and guys, well guys..they are just as they were.
After settling up on our table I felt more like a woman , and I love to be a woman in mans world.
just to show them there is a powerful woman that is still that girl in her heart that
she was before.SO all of them look gorgeous and amazing. There were all this girls and boys in
a lady and gentleman bodyes. They have changed but looked the same. They had grow up but still
stay the same childish like I remembered and there are those who never changed. There were all of
them with a new life style and few of them who still got their high school sweethearts by their side.
And for a second I would wish I was one of them. That night all of those years flashed by
and I was more than happy to realise there a few of theme were my friends in high school and
nothing had changed. We are the same but more mature to realise that friends are always a part of
you no matter how many years passed by. Its like we have drink that coffee before the classroom starts
just this morning and we woke up and life happened. But we are still those kids in a body of
mature people. And the most amazing thing is that we will always be there for each other no matter
what.
When you are young , all is just about fun, by the time you get careful, but that night we got careful
 in a fun way.
Happy anniversary and much  more to come, What happens between us stays between us, always had been this way , always will be... for the next ten and more. cheers!

XOXO Ybell

According to how are we in bed, results everyday behavior

I have read somewhere something about how we are in bed so are we in real life ... and I cant stop but asking myself is it true?

 

That gets me to the another question , how am I in bed? who can tell that? If you ask an ex ...oh that's wrong, because if you left him and that was no friendly brake up , I think you were bad, really bad in bed :))) and if you ask your actual boyfriend you are amazing, because what the hell would he stay with you if your bad. So how are we in bed? do that really reflect on our everyday behavior?
I guess maybe it reflects somehow on our behavior at some point ,but really it made me think... I remember....You know girls talk and all of that contain subject about sex and sleeping with your guy ,and of course now I analyze how some of them told me about acts , when we gossip over a coffee...

...so Jen was the aggressive one , but she was addicted to vibrators because the guy didn't made to her expectation  and when I reflect it on her everyday life she is like that , she search for that orgasms in one place but she still needs her "vibrators " to make her come. The other one Tiffany she was always trying to get it over with every time , she didn't focus on herself and still in everyday life she makes the same, she shuts herself up to please her guy and forget about her needs. She never point her point of view or what she wants, so in everyday behavior she does the same. Then when you are the dominant one like Mandy , she is the boss in her home too. She does what she wants when she wants. She never forbid to her guy to do something but also she is the dominant one in bed and in her everyday life. So I guess its true , the way you behave in bed it reflects on your everyday behavior .

 So I couldn't help myself but ask my fiance how am I in bed ? So I got my answer in tree words : seductive, emotional and not selfish...I guess he is right because I always put others in front and I care about not hurting someone in anyway so it makes me not selfish, because I would give you my last bite of chocolate any second, emotional is answer at every time I get to cry over little thing and that sometimes annoys me , I feel to emotional about every fucking little thing and I can cry every time I watch "The Notebook"... I'm like Niagara falls ... About seductive, I can only think that that's the way I made him fall for me in the first place, So there is the answer. We are everyday like we behave in bed. Welcome girls! make yourself clear what you need in bed so you can get it everyday.
Xoxo Ybell

Lovers and the one...

“They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind that cuts you loose like a wildfire and you can't stop running simply because you keep on burning everything that you touch! I say that's a good love; one that burns and flies, and you run with it!” 
― C. JoyBell C.

It crossed my mind today, how many time we love in our lives ? Is it just one great big love and a lot of other copies , is it like you have to try until you really find that great one so you can know that person is greater than the others , or do you just sit an wait to fall there the perfect one in your lap as  try to be patient little country girl.. I think we love all of those who cross our doorstep, because we chose to let them cross it , but we love them less or more and of course in different ways . We have boundaries for those who we trust less and love less and we open up to those who we trust and love more. But how you know that you found the greatest person of them all , to love him and respect and be there for better or for worst? And what if we have found him and let him go...did we missed the love of our lives? I guess if he is yours to be, and you let him , set him free or just walked around and didn't get it, that he was the one, he will eventually come back...because what its meant to be ...it will find his way where it belongs. and if its not it have never been yours at all.
Do you believe in destiny? I didn't and than I realised its something bigger than us that we even don't notice. It just hits you. Bang! And there it is it was meant to be like this...So i think we love more than once in different ways , but there is that one person that is your destiny and it will find his way to you, because there is the place where he belongs. there is home. Home never was a place, its a person. with who you feel save, strong and loved. And when you find that person that fits there in your hug and you just feel it...love and butterflies and shaking every time when you look into his eyes...never, ever...let him go! He is the one, the greatest the love of your life...let him in and welcome him with all your heart and love, Cheers dears to love of our lives to find his way home!

“If he can't handle you at your worst then he does not deserve you at your best. Real love means seeing beyond the words spoken out of pain, and instead seeing a person's soul.” 
― Shannon L. Alder, 300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage


Xoxo Ybell

Recipe of love , finding the rigt person

A lot of us search for the perfect recipe of love, some of us founds it and some of us doesn't...And the most part doesn't.Why?

I searched for this recipe for few years. I was always surrounded with gr8 friends most of them male, because in my opinion girls were a lil bit to jealous too needy and too much seeing bitchy part of me. So I listened to story and advices from guys , but that didn't helped. They are all the same and all different at the same time. So back to recipe. I looked for it like desperate for it and there are still days when I search for it.
There are a lot of magazines writing about those things how to find mister perfect, there are books and a lot of literature wrote for love, from love, with love,how and where to search, how to talk, how to walk,how to behave.How to find your soul mate and how to keep it. or at least for a period of time.
I have read thousand and hundreds of it, everywhere on paper and Internet. I looked around for happy couples and talk to them about it, friends or friends of friends or just acquittance. I asked my parents or older people for advice , they are so many years in a happy marriage...But finally I got my answer. I have to look inside my heart, there is the answer. In me. Everyone should search for it inside of himself, because there is the right answer.
I could try to give you some pattern what really matters for love and happiness but I also tell this to myself, because one day I may forget it, and I will search for that again inside my heart. Hopefully my dear soul mate will be right next to me and we will laugh out of happiness...Somehow it has always been there, the answer, but there is only one way to find it and only one way to keep it. The right person.
You should live with someone who is making you smile, and he laughs with you and he makes jokes with you , but also he laughs at everything you say crazy and even stupid. that's happiness. Laugh with each other like kids.Live with that person that you have a lot to talk about, all those things that happen to you to him. About everything. Make a good communication, because when you are young there are a lot of possibilities but when you're older you need that one person to be there to talk about everything because communication is the key of a good relationship. Love that person that is there for you and you are there for him no matter what. Without secrets, that's also the key of a gr8 relationship, when you decide that you too love each other , there should not be secrets. Love each other a lot and believe in each other and talk a lot. about the day, about meal, about dreams and hopes, about plans, traveling, distance, hugs, sex, fantasies, about everything...Be with that person who doesn't make you feel bored.Whit that person who stays in bad with you all day long, you just get up for a coffee and a bit just for energy so you could get back in bad. Love that person who stays with you the entire weekend in bad because you two has what to talk to each other and what to do to each other for tree days,,,Love that person who you can tell about your fantasies and the most terrifying wishes , who you can tell your dreams and to do list, who understands all of that without judging you.  he is that perfect person if you can stay in quite, look at each other and don't need to tel a damn thing to him because he knows...Love that person who has faith in you and doesn't give you a reason to check his phone , and even he doesn't look in yours because you believe in each other, you talk about all of it.Love that person because he doesn't need to look in your purse or agenda. Love that person that comes to take you from a club where you were with your girls to have fun and he let you because he has you in his heart and he knows that its enough to believe in you. Love that person who you wait for at home when he is in city with guys at a beer or club because you know that he will not be ashamed to let you know all is ok and come home clean. You believe in each other because you have each other in hearts and that's all that matters.Love that person who stands up for you in from of anybody, for whom you are his priority. Love that person who doesn't have a problem to stay at a lunch or dinner and roll his eyes because its boring ( only if you two do the same :))), he stays for you and make a conversation because that means a lot for you. stay with him and love him. for the respect he gives you.Love that person who can live with you the same as if you have ten thousand euro or just ten or almost nothing. Love that person because he is the right person, and there is the recipe of love. Communication, understanding and respect. One day sex will be less or more, but that is all that stays there for ever you and him,
If your guy or girl makes at least some of those upside that I mention, he or she is a keeper, you are lucky , because this days love doesn't grow on trees. Make sure that you two do that and keep and protect  him/her today and forever, because that is the right person to love.


Xoxo Ybell

Once in Rome...

World, so big and so small...We don't know how beautiful our Planet is, and we even don't care about keeping it this way. Amazing small things that makes you happy.We are to ungrateful for what we have and don't appreciate small things , we want more and we see only big things...Learn to appreciate and your life will become better.

It reminds me of one month ago when I was full of suspicions and negative thoughts, because I didn't see behind them. And there behind that negativity it was all love and happiness. Now I am more than ashamed that I didn't let myself to see over it. But hey , its never too late. I am positive and I see the beauty of love and happiness. Of course there are always suspicious and negative thoughts that will try to get in , but try , just try to block them and see the beauty of everything else behind them.
I got myself in a city from our to do list. I say our because my fiance came to meet me there, even with so much obstacles, he did it, For me. For us. And that is what I appreciate and I am more than thankful that he had done it even there were so so much negative things. He teaches me to see over those negative things and to see that when you want something you can make it no matter how hard it is. Another story, lets get back to our city from to do list. So one of those city on the list was Rome. After one year and few months we meet here in Italy. Beautiful city with amazing thing to visit. The only thing is that Rome or Italy is dirty, very very dirty place. But how dirty it was you can see in the evening when you get home take a shower and see that the water is almost black.Why are we people so dirty? That amazing city with amazing history is trying to stay there and teach us all the secrets behind those old buildings , monuments, graves...And we trow things on streets and write on those history walls, we make garbage just by breading.. How ungrateful can we be? And after when the Planet is sick of us walking all over it with our dirt we ask our self : Why is our Planet so mean? Why are some Vulcan's active again, Why there are flooding''s? Why and why...? Because my dears , we are ungrateful bastards. That's why. We don't know to appreciate what this Planet do for us. Look over those walls and you can see thousand of years back in time. You can feel on your skin the wind of time. Be the one who will trow garbage in bin, no matter how far it is. Be the one who will write its name on a place that doesn't destroy any year of sacrifices. Be the one that appreciate the time that passes and feel the clean drops of happiness on your skin. Rome is dirty, Italy wasn't what I expected.. Maybe my expectations were to high, maybe , just maybe...But all the time over those walls, all the air of history is wort to be seen and felt. If you decide to visit Rome, take your better half s hand, take some positivity and fill that place with love and happiness. Be grateful to give and receive. Rome will tell you a beautiful story, fill it up with yours. Ours is told. It travels from now on between those streets,gardens,old walls, monuments,fountains,benches,stairs,trees,rocks....
And back to my fiance, this is for you babe: "That city would be empty without you by my side. Walking trough those streets and walking all over Rome was more than amazing, with my hand in yours. Discovering all those secrets behind it would of be just a touristic place to see. So thank you for coming despite all "the problems" we have, thank you for showing me what means to love and to be loved. And most of all thank you for choosing me in your life even I can be sometimes pain in the ass."

XoXo Ybell

After rain there is always a rainbow

Rainbow... oh that beautiful colors!
After rain there always come sun...and in between there is a beautiful rainbow showing you that life is all about waiting, because good things come to those who wait for it. At some point.There can not be only darkness and rain and depression there are so much more beautiful things to smile and be happy , and feel positive about. Wishes and hopes. They all come true if you know to Wait.
Lately I run out of patience... but I am on my Wait to gain it again and wait for that perfect moment. I wont let it go away, I just waited so much years to be happy , and finally I will fight for it until my last breath. I know I deserve more and it will come until than I'll have to believe and have patience. I guess all of this happens for a reason, reason that we don't know... At least if something goes wrong I'll stand up and take it like a lesson.
I am used to lose things but I wont lose anymore, I'll fight for my rights and for what I deserve in this life. I'll fight for love that made me happy after all this casing around for that perfect person. And now what? When I finally got him I just wont let it go no matter how hard it gets, at the end of the road all of it will be worth it.
I stay and think, days passing away making us a distance lovers but actually we are toghether because we carry us in our hearts. And the moment when we will see each other at the airport, that will be the moment we waited for , that kiss, that hug...Magic !
Yes I believe in fairy tales in miracles and magic, that's why every day there is a bit of sparkle in my life. I hang around searching for better making sacrifices , walking trough the fire... But I'm not sorry for that. Its life. Its a life full of adventure , full of what is worth living and fighting for. I found you. I wont let you go. I'll be there, at that moment. Just believe. In us ...Believe in Magic. Its real. Our Love is more than just magic. And every magic comes with a price...This is the price we have to pay. And for our Love its cheep. I would do all over again if I had to.
Just wait for it. You will laugh so hard in the future when you look back on the time you walked over all obstacles with your had up , proud and strong!
Love you forever...
There comes a rainbow...Sun is near...Believe in magic... The rain passed , but we were dancing in it.

Xoxo Ybell

Walking on the edge

They say there is no saint on earth.  As we born we already have sined .
All our lives we try to be the best of ourselves. We search for perfection in everything. Looking not to  lose faith and be carefull to not sin. We try to be as clean as we can. For us , for people that make part of our lives.  We are scared of disappointment . We lie to make it easier and not to hurt . We try to tell truth not to hurt and make it easier . And there is always a fight inside of us what is really good what is the right pat to walk on? You chose and then you are afraid what if you didn't chose right. But life is a battle that we have to win. There somewhere our destiny is already written but we are the one who can make a step over and change the scenario. Maybe not all of it because it is what it is and once you know you're strength you can move mountains.
I tried to show you the point where we stand. You cut my wings. The only thing that I knew you will understand. The only person I had faith in had disappointed me and left me to wait at the edge alone. You wasn't there anymore. You lost yourself in a world full of stuff that you don't need around you and trowed away the hand that Holdes you for better or for worst.
I had gave you my heart I belived in you ... I belived that it will be safe and sound in you're hands. You broke it like a piece of glass . It just started to heal but it hadn't a chance to get all back togheter. I have had sold my soul for you're happyness and in return you made me a cold queen. I belived in every lie you told me. I have had take care of you're everything , you're heart was never in a better place. You stole it back and trowed mine away. I can't find it in the endless abis of lost hearts. All I can hear is screams , pain and tears. Never had a chance to take you up in the Skye to show you the beauty of untouched , unbraked love. Never had a chance...
To everything there comes an end. I guess we are walking on ours. And nothing hurted me ever so bad like loseing myself for you.
Guess you chose you're future... I have lost mine.
Be positive they say, be optimistic, be strong! Nobodey told me how...
Xoxo Ybell

New start and old habits

To start all over again is the hardest thing to do, say some people. For me it is a way of living. Every day is a new start. In last ten years , my life takes all over again almost every two years., sometimes I even belive  I was born to be a gypsie.. new country's ,new job , new friends, new food,new cloths , new air... Every time it happens to me I try to get out the best of me. After some time it starts to be hard... Everything stress you , all seems to get harder than last time and more hardest ist to be confident that all of it will get back togheter one day. How days pass away I try to think positive and belive in myself ... But the most hardest is not to lose faith and believe that this new temptations all around you will not change that person you are.
When this doubts starts it is not only hard to belive in you , it's hard to belive in anyone. The control over you is in your hands they say... Than why is it so hard?
For this moments you need to have friends and family there for you. And if you're love one is someone who gets you up, understands and suport you, respect and is proud of you . You are lucky . In this days there are few lucky bastards to have someone like that in theyr life. And belive me that shit means more than you can imagine. All of the way here I am proud to say I have all of them. My family that suports all my gipsy moves and I know I can always go back home of something gets wrong , but I feel them suporting and loving me and I just won't let them down. I want to make them proud. Because I am proud I have them and if I would be born again I would chose them every time.I have my friends. The best once. Few but fucking worth to call them my friends. They are there for me, they understand me, they love me for who I am. They help me in any time , just a phon away. They are the one I will call to help me move a bodey in the midle if night and they are the one that will lie and cover me up till the end. All secrets in a box till grave, because with them they are safe. That's a friend, when you don't tell "please don't tell this ever" they look at you and just know. They are the one you look at and laught like crazy when no one but you understands. Thanks to them and they know who they are.  And then ther is  that one special person. The one you love with all you're heart. The one that you respect and get a respect back, the one who listen to you when you tell how was your day and complain all over again. The one who knows you're Sens of humor and laught every time. The one you can call  that cute names . The one that when something hurts you his touch heals  it every time. The one who kisses you amazingly good. The one who knows you're deepest pleasure . The one who feels you're happiness , sandness, pain, pleasure even when you are miles away. The one who knows the right moment . The one who tells you I love you every day and brings you flower for no reason, just because it's Wednesday ... And yes I will fall in love with him every day for the rest of my life because I am one of lucky bastards to have my love around.
For this new beginnings you need those people who know you and are there for you and respect you for you're old habits. You need people that gives you that unconditional love. Make them proud make them feel you are the best that happend to them because they are there for you every time you start over.
I love you and I am thankfull for all of you being part of my new beginings , because I can't live without my old habits. Unconditional love is our password. Love you all guys. And missing you is the hardest thing , thanks for the support all this years... Beeing you're daughter ,friend and girlfriend is a privilege in this life of mine.
P.S. Next destination is you ❤️
Xoxo Ybell

Lets pack and start over again

Looking at this blank new page today I felt that I don't want to mess it unless Its for a good reason. Waked up this morning , my eyes where opened straight to the window. The view is so gray and its raining. For some reason the sky is crying. And I am lazy to get up from my cozy bad. Its soft and warm, and kind of colorful. Of course it is, it is the second best cozy thing , the first one is naturally his hug. Coffee is on the table and I really need it right now , I'm getting more and more nervous, my charger is dead and it works like s#it , i need to press it up or down its getting on my nerves and I try to avoid to pack. Yes today I have to pack my bag for one more chapter in this life of mine. I am going to a new start.

I have never been scared to let everything behind and start over, to just pack ,take a risk and go somewhere for a new beginning, for some new meaning , for how and what I can do to improve this life and help my family. The sad thing is, I realized my country  tired of all in it. Nothing is improving, noting is going for better , no matter how hard those idiots on tv are trying to lye to us. That's media ,that's just what we need to hear to don't lose hope. And I lost that hope...I lost this feeling of safeness in this coutry,I have no hopes for futere here. I am sad every time I go because of course I love my country I have been born here and my childhood is here, my family ,bu I am traveling a lot taking other opportunities and risks to make it easier for a better life, at least I try, its not easy, I am a refugee everywhere and they point you to feel like an outsider, but there is future, outside this mess. Every time when I come back from wherever I traveled to search for better future and life happening , here in my country the  people I know are looking stressed , depressed, older, poorer,  every time is this sader picture of them...Its sad.. I am sad to see my country sinking. But what can I do? I am one little figurine.I can pack and go wherever I can to fight for a better future ,for me and my family.
Once upon a time it was easier , life here was better. And than there started wars and  greed and bastards took a piece of it by the time it came to nothing. I assume one day it will no longer exist on maps. But no one cares. The youngs are looking to go somewhere to start a new life , fresh one, because how I say its a strugle every day for surviveing and the older are just tired of fighting and they are old, they lived a good life once they wont leave it, because here is everything they worked and fighted for.Once...

For me, I guess I knew it wasn't for me to live here. I want to discover, to learn , to see, to experience...I am sick of poorness and greed , of people becoming mad on their life. I love my life and my place is where my heart is.  No matter how hard I have to fight , Ill do it and whenever I have to start over again I will. We are send here to live this life not to be passengers in it. I want memories , good once and a happy family, I want love and beautiful childhood for my kids and I want to grow old with my soul mate in peace and accomplished life. I don't want luxury I want the best life I can make for us. I think I don't ask for too much. That's why Ill do everything in my power to have it. Faith and destiny is written for us...and we cant change it, but we can make it better and wort living for.
So its time for me to move this lazy ass , start the day, start packing and start over again. Fight for what you need , for what you want. Fight with love in your heart and flowers in your hair. Fight with positivity and show to the World that you are worth of being happy and live that life you want for you and your loved one. Nobody say its easy. Its hard and the road will be full of thorns, but the roses at the end are amazingly speechlessly beautiful. If you don't do it , nobody will serve you the life you deserve. I wont live by the rules my country serves me, they cut every road I tried to make here. I wont let nobody to tell me how to live my life. I will fight with all my strength to get there and make my family proud, to make myself proud, to be with the one I love. I believe in fairytale and I will do everything to have mine like I want it to be. My prince charming is waiting for me and Ill be there.My fairytale must be written with colorful ink ..."and they lived happily ever after!"

XoxoYbell

Love me, need me...

- I told you every day and I still do it...Every day and night babe , I tell you I love you.
"Isn't that actually normal to tell someone that you love them when you do? let me think.... it isn't only that its normal , you tell them when you feel it." -Actually yes you do that but I do the same don't I? But I think that's the right way to express , that's our thing, that we do from the beginning ..We tell each other every night before sleep I love you"...And every morning Good morning love. But sometimes it isn't enough, we need to show it from time to time, with those little meanless things that the other person do for you. Actually after a wile without expressing that love with more than just verbal , it can be confused  with an habit. Don't let  your thing to become a routine, that's not love, that's just "I'm already used to it...Its a habit" .I never want to be a habit , I want to be a need!
Like a woman, I need to feel that you actually want and need me in you're life. I don't want to feel like I am only you're girlfriend. Those little things , those meanless things you do ...Those make me feel like one in a lifetime kind of woman. I don't compete with other girls just because I know that I'm the one you need. In the morning to be the first thing you see and in the night the last you kiss. I need to know that you are proud of me , that you talk about me (good things of course :P) that you appreciate things I do, that I am always on you're mind almost like obsession. And that's a woman you need in you're life. The one that makes you smile, the one that her eyes you see everywhere , the one that you call first when there is something going on , good or bad,,,because you know you can tell her everything ,that you can count on hers support , that woman when you're hurt she touches you and you are healed.

In a life time we often search for that perfect love, but we never see the imperfection that makes us together a perfect couple with that perfect love. Each of us has a different pattern of perfection, there doesn't exist just one perfect path...And we are searching for it all of our lives because we know there somewhere in this World our better half is waiting for us to find them. Open you're eyes, you're arms and you're heart. He/She is there somewhere.
Its hard to find that one that deserves all of you.  And when you find it ...love hurts , love is not just beautiful and full of sugar and butterflies, there are tears and spice and hard times. But when you know its the right person , all of it is worth it,

In a lifetime we fall in love so many times , some of us every week others every year ...But the truth is we fall in love yes many times but we love for real just once.
From when I was little I was very in love kind of girl. I felt in love with my best friend , my neighbor, my colleague, a simple passer-by,a bus driver, a professor, ex boyfriend, ex husband... They had something that I loved about them... But what love actually is and what means to love I saw a year ago. You know that saying " everything is milk and honey in the beginning" , I agree it is , but it can still be all the time if  it is the right person. I said earlier that love also is spice and hurts, yes it is when there are impediments and everybody around you tells you " you two are not gonna make it". It hurts like hell. Its hard when there are problems, when there is distance, when there is jealousy. How time passes by its even harder, but guess what? When you two are fighting that battle together and you tell each other everyday how much you care, how everything is shit but you are strong because you're love is unique and stronger than all those gossip, when every night there is "I love you babe" and every morning there is "good morning love"... When there is a call at unexpected time, when there is a letter that no one else is writing anymore, when there is a random flower from the street, when there is smiles and tears at the same time, when there is weakness and happiness , when there is suspicions and answers , when there is that strong unit love....And million other things, bad and good, when there is you and him...You're gonna get over that impediment one way or another, because faith brings you this great love and shows you why all others didn't fit in you're life... And you feel that butterflies and those tears...you want to scream and few minutes later he makes you laugh like crazy... you just know that's the gr8 love everybody talks about but just few are lucky enough to find it.
"I love you babe, good night!"

XoXo Ybell

Protective lies

A person will change if he wants to change... You can not make someone to change because you want that, something like that is impossible. You can try , of course you can try and believe in yourself but he/she will change only and only if they want that changing...Welcome in a relationship bitches!
The truth is after few relationship you think "oh dear I am smart now ,I am a fucking expert ,I can make him to do whatever I want" , and yes of course you have a little extra experience but In this world my dear you can not change him without his willing. All you have to do is to play smart. Play by his rules but do not forget your bound.The ugly truth is that all of them will make you suffer , less or more, harder or softer, but its in they're nature. You only have to decide who is worth suffering for.And when you make that decision its on you all that you accept from him.
Back to cheating liars. Yep, they will cheat they are guys, and all of you that think that he is the prince of never cheating story , well he is not. But he is a damn good liar because you didn't find out and it doesn't hurt you. We are all the same. they are all the same, the thing is who is worth of your love and affection,respect, friendship,heart and life.

You know they always try to be sweet not to hurt you , play Innocent guys , pure little souls...and guess what ,neither one of us are better...remember how many times you try that silly puppy face and tears. So don't blame them. I am not on they're side believe me I would set them on fire but lets be honest if we were angels.
Let them lie..As long as it doesn't affect your story , your love and respect, your  life and heart..As long as you wake up in his arms, and he makes that perfect coffee in the morning, as long as his heart is in your hands, you can brake it at any time, but don't do that because he gave you that one thing that is the most important most precious because he loves you and respect you and he did it because he knows you are his present his future and his everything. I know sometimes there are this little lies and secrets that you know about and it hurts , but when you think about it think twice , does it really makes you feel like shit, no respected not loved, did he broke you? Than set that motherfucker on fire! Until that is an innocent thing that he try's to protect you from ( or at least he thinks so, even I know how badly you would like to hear that lie) let him protect you. Like you do it for him. Protect each other because life is full of unexpected .Some secret are just good to stay secret, some lies are protective lies. Remember he gave you something extraordinary that you can brake at any point , but he believed in you that you will protect it like he does with yours. Hearts, Life , Love and a bit of lies.

xoxo Ybell

Behind the smile

There is a story behind every smile...I have never meet a person who smiles so often and doesn't have a story behind it. My story is my life.
It is not easy , like most of our live there are ups and downs, and we try to get at the end with glory. The sad part is there is easy way that most of you are choosing and the hard way that I always chose. When something is to easy to get , there I had learn something is wrong. When you take the hard path to climb , damn there are a lot of steps and a lot of darkness...but at the end there is that hand waiting for you to pull you up to the greatest achievement.
When you meet me , not see me, meet me, all you see is a smile and sparkle in eyes and funny stories and a lot of cupcakes and bubbles, What you don't know is what made me this way. Maybe that's a story I will never tell or maybe one day there will be a book about it.
Have you ever asked yourself why are you on this planet? why its you born there at those parents in that country. I did.. I still do that almost every night. Because the night gives me time to think when my mind need to rest it starts to work. And there are thousand and million of question but no answer. Nobody know what and why. You and only you have to decide how to make you're own life worth living. Now I know we are not all rich and not all of us are born millionaires and maybe you think for them it is easier, but believe me , its not. Not all you can buy with money. Some of us are lucky bastards and some just poor lovers.
I tend to think that all my life I had made bad decisions, took the wrong path even it was harder, maybe I should took the easy one... but then...where is all the fun? what would I tell about to my children's when there is not a good story its a simple one. My achievement's are not at the point I wanted to be in life and it made me so many times to get in a hard depression. Can you imagine that if you didn't took this path you're life would be different and I can not help myself but asking how would it be otherwise?
I am in my late twenties and I ask myself what did I do with my life? And then I think about others who didn't make not even a half of what i did....And then I remember of those who have everything at my age. Its hard and complicated and my path is full of ups and downs,and it hurts and its a lot of tears...But at the end of the day I am strong, survive and smiling.
I know I can , I don't need to know my purpose here, I will make it myself. My life is my life and I will live it the way I decide to. I am scared, but at the end of this journey I will smile with all my heart because I did it. No matter how hard it is I will fight for what I want and I will get it.
I believe in better tomorrow and I believe in magic.

xoxo Ybell

We, what are we?

-Well good morning handsome, and thank you for this perfect coffee... I really have to go now. Maybe I didn't have to go, but I couldn't just stay there.
- You're welcome. Has someone told you that you look gorgeous in the morning? "liar, I am mess in the morning and especially this morning.''
-Thanks, I am gonna take a shower and get going.
-I am gonna come with you, I have also some things to do in the city so we are going in the same direction , if its not a problem of course.
-Yeah sure, it's not a problem at all. '' Are you kidding me , come and join me in the shower too...'' And than he stopped my thinking by grabbing my ass with his hands and pushing me trough the room to the door of  the bathroom ,he took me in his arms and get in the shower with me. "Damn, he is good at readying my mind''

After putting me down, he started to kiss my neck wile adjusting the water...and the water was so hot...almost like his touch. After we were wet he took the shampoo and washed my whole body . And my heart beats were so strong ... he felt it when he grabbed my teats, the water was leaking down the body but I felt only his hands, his bites on my neck... he turned me around slap my left butt and leaned me over and approach. "Damn , damn ,damn boy...where have you been all this time?'' I think that month he paid the water bill very expensive. I don't even have to tell you , use you're imagination. We lost few trains , but it was all worth it.
All the road to destination where I take another train and he is going to his "'things'' is like maybe half an hour. We smiled all the time and look in each others eyes. I always wonder what does he see in mine? I saw in his all my happiness, from the beginning from the very first kiss I see there my future..every time. Those eyes are so dark but full of light, it takes that something to see in depth...I can stare for hours and never get bored, all the time there is a different story, beautiful,magical...
"Next stop main station, exit on the left" That voice broke our silent love story.
-Here we are
-Yes I am going to the university, thank you for an amazing night and day of course.
"'yeah sure you are '' - Sure, I had a great time too...so see ya,maybe...''what now?how should I react,what should I say....I hate this situations''
I wanted to turn around and wait for my next train, that moment he grab my hand turned me to him and kissed me , yep that perfect movie kiss...''woooohoooooooooo, yeah I love that kiss, those lips..ooooh!'' 
smiles, another few kisses and bye, everyone on his duty.
I arrived home, I was so tired like I had bathed all day in the fields. I watched some shows on TV and felt asleep.
Next what I know he didn't wrote , didn't call..."'Is he punishing me now because I let him to wait for me for a year? omg such a child..I didn't mean to , I just wasn't ready to date..ok I don't have to explain myself to no one. wait. should I call him, no no , too obvious, what is obvious? I like him.OMG!!!! I really like him.....I love him?no Its too early...am I? OMG!!!!! I am gonna tell nobody nothing.''
I found out I have to go for few weeks with my work in another city...''few weeks,damn it, but after we can chose a week of..cool...and what should I do ?'' After all promises I made to myself I called my bestye.
-Hi Serena, the connection is week but I have to tell you something.
-Omg hi , are you alive? all ok? you didn't wrote , I know you have not time but still just write a word maybe so I can stay calm that you are ok and you know my life same old same old, this village girls are all over gossip and shit, I don't like here but yeah you know no friends only neighbors...boring. oh yeah what is new tell me ,you always have excited stories. I bet its a guy.
-Yeah it is.mmm...
-Let me guess...
-Nope no time to guess,I need to tel you now. You remember I told you about this cute guy last summer ?..
-Yes of course, omg! no! you are with him?
-The problem is I don't know what we are. I hate this kind of things, do you remember when we were younger,and when a guy hold  you're hand, you already were in relationship and like each other, that was normal and cute. Nowadays  you are fucking each other and you don't know what that is? are you together or one night stand or whatever... I would like him to tell me..but he didn't call, wrote nothing.

-Hey , cheer up its a guy he will not call first. Look sweetie you are the mature one here, make the step and tell him what you want.
-I cant I am scared.
-Of what? what do you have to lose?
''My future, in his eyes'' sounds crazy I know. - Yeah you're right, I will, ok thanks S , talk to you later. Love you piece of pie.
-Sure sweetie, let me know how its going, be optimistic like always. Love you piece of cake.
Ok so Ill wait until tomorrow. I packed up and got ready for tomorrow, of course he was all day on my mind.What to do ? why he doesn't he call? OK, he didn't tell me he will call, he didn't say he won't , he didn't say anything.I didn't ask. How stupid. I don't even understand why am I acting like this...Another day, all will be better in the morning.
Oh its afternoon, He is still in my head if you are asking. I didn't call of course what would I say?And than I send him an sms, just random, something like whats up you misery? yep he called me first time witch...Ok I know..childish but I really didn't know what and how. Time passes by..nothing.
Evening...Late in evening hours , my phone on the bed I came out of a shower,the phone rings...''OMG OMG OMG its him....I cant answer , let a little bit to ring and than calm down...."
-Hi there!
-Well hello you little witch . ( I told you..) I was busy , you know uny and all that stuffs...
-Yep no problem, I send you sms just to see if all is ok... (such a bad bad liar)
-Oh that was you of course you sexy little witch...Yeah like I told you , dutyes. But all is fine sure. (told you he do this)
-Yeah me , ok than all ok... I didn't want to bother so...
-No you don't at all, I was just busy .
... ... ...
We talk for like hours ,like best friends, like we were together for years,like we knew each other for a life time..... But like always after midnight we need to have our beauty sleep. So good night and I still didn't knew what are we.We didn't define our relationship, but I didn't even mid because all was going perfectly fine. But since then we talked every day on sms , every night on phone... That voice, I can listen to for hours, for all my life.
After a week I decided to make him an offer that he cant refuse. lol. I called him that evening:
-Hi handsome.
-Hi gorgeous.How was you're day?
-Oh same old same old,work, work,work, but I have an offer for you.
-Hit it sweetie,I love to make deals with you
-The pleasure is always mine babe. So how I say here it is. I know it has been not so long and that we are a lil' bit far from each other but I don't have time to waste on playing around so I don't want to stay with you for few years and than say ''öh we don't fit togheter''...
-And what did you're smart little had came up with?
-Let me finish, I want to travel to see Europe and my next station is Amsterdam, what do you think, you gonna join me?
-Really are you kidding me? I wanted two times but always something came up.
-Me the same, my friend told me she will and we didn't go ,so I decided I want to go this year anyway and I would like you to come with me, So we can see if we work out like a couple and if this is going somewhere, if not its better to know sooner than later.
-Sure , let me arrange flights..
-I will do the accommodation..
-Perfect
-Perfect.
-So I will check my schedule and let you know when its good for me
-Sure, Ill do the same, somewhere like next month?
-Perfect, I am so happy you came up with it.
-Me too, I was a little bit sceptic, to ask you so soon, but than why not?
-Dear, its a good idea,I am glad you asked me.
-I'm glad you accepted.
-Looking forward to the trip,now I have to go to sleep, you are tired too, sweet dreams and talk to you tomorrow
-Sure thank you, you the same...kisses.

Every day we talked , we made plans ( actually I don't like to make plans because I believe they are not gonna come out like I planed, but this time I made exception). My work made me to travel a lot, so we didn't have chance to be all the time togheter and this was a perfect opportunity to see if we fit together when we live in a same room. In a week you can get to know habits and tabiets about person and decide if its good to continue or not.
The days were passing away,plans came out good, we even had tickets and our place booked up.
''Im a fucking bad ass''
The date was so near, I bought some cute clothes because I knew he likes Dr. martins so I bought for me one pair of course girly motives with pink and flowers but damn they looked sexy on me . I packed my bag and  go over to his place because it was easier to travel from the same spot.
-Hi babe.
-Oh you waited for me in the station you are so cute.
-Always dear, let me help you with you're bag.
-Well thank you , I think you are the last gentleman on Earth.
- I will pack all things in one bag , together,its better to treavel with one bag.
''Did he say our things will travel together, like all together in one bag , like so mine and his like in a couple, family trip...''
ok ok act normal... -yeah  sure handsome, but I have a lot of things, I'm a girl
- no problem, ill make them,belive me I know to pack perfect. ( I have to addmit I didn't belive he knew to pack, but he is damn good at it)
''Oh dear God he is packing, our bag... I love you , yes i think I love you....''
.....
-Are you hungry?
-Did you cook?
-Of course , I made some sauce with pastas, my way.
''Oh my God , please tell me he is real and I am not in a freque fairy tale dream right now!''
-Mmmmm....sure I am. we can eat, thank you.
''I want to marry you''
.....

His hand is in my hair, my head is on his chest, my left leg is over his right...he is smiling I looked up...He kissed my forehead, I smiled back...Clock is ringing, we don't mind...
-Get up I'll make coffee
-Brink those cookies too and shake that ass for me
-shut up...

We are ready, bags are ready , we are full of joy and happiness. I would tell you ''Wish us a luck'' but we don't need it, we already have luck the moment we meet.
Amsterdam here we come! Make this love story to start right...
To be continued....



xoxo Ybell

(photo source : we heart it.)

The beggining

I woke up that day and I was in a good mood for everything, for work ,for hanging out and all activities of that day , because it was Friday.But I haven't even dream about what would that day bring to me at the end.

 Few days before , I started to text with an old friend that I met one year ago in the summer. I remember I was thinking about that situation when friends of friends take you to met some guys to hang around, to be friends or maybe something more , but for me that was something less. I have never liked this kind of meetings. They were like a bad blind dates. So I wasn't hanging out so often with them. We were peaty different ,with other kind of taste in almost everything. So when they got out in one club on weekends I was in another , when  they have been to festivals I was to shopping , libraries and coffee time... Everything was different so I didn't want to hang so much around and I even didn't care to get to know someone.

But I remembered that evening when we went out for a walk and of course I had to met some friends of my friend fiends.In those few people that I met that evening,I saw a smile full of sparkles. That was impressive, that smile...that look, omg hard to forget. And a thought passed my mind..''.He is damn cute!'' But as I told you I wasn't in their "style" .I dressed different ,my hair was different , I was very opposite to my friend and so the same of her gang of friends. So everything between that amazing smile and me stays just to -hi and -bye kind of conversation. He will never like me I am fashion addict and they are punk's something I even  don't understand the style. So its complicated.

After few weeks and months of seeing each other just in a pass walk and around for hi and goodbye...I went out with them. All the time I was thinking he is into her , and that they have something and so on, so I don't like to get into a relation even if its only friend zoned. After hours of begging me to go out with them I was finally agreed to please her and move my ass wherever they wanted. "Oh so boring!'' I took my only pair of converse so I can be a part of the gang somehow, because high hells are not allowed...''I hate this style , yep I do!'' We arrived.'' Welcome bad night out...''

So after few drinks and walking around like crazy dogs on the street we finally got in a club, full of smoke and kids...(because under twenties I call them kids), but the music was nice..So this guy with perfect smile got a friend for me ,so he and my girl can do they're gang stuffs and so I can hang out with someone...''What the hell? Am I looking like I cant find a hanger? Are you drum? ''And then... oh! that moment my night was sooooooo bad, that I thought It will be the worst party weekend in my life. So they hit the road for another party and I staid with the ''glue guy'' , hanging around me like I was 7 and need a babysitter." Oh hell no! Let me dance don't stick like a sticker to me...Its not slow dance you moron its "jump all around""...I wanted to tell him go away pleaaaaaseeeee! but I am too nice to hurt that lost look around , he was like a puppy lost in the woods. So I kind of started to talk and make some moves but it just didn't work, ''I cant '! i just really can't"...Its too much , I hate this come meet my friend of friend , blind dates, bad dates, everything shit dates..How do people think they know what I need , when even I don't know what I need or want. Meanwhile they got some base in their minds and came back. "Thank God!" because I am out of here. But that moment the sparkling smile put his hands over my hips and he pulled me near his and started to dance, on my kind of music..."Damn !!!!! He is dancing , he is moving his hips next to mine, and he can dance on this music, he likes r&b, oh he do...And he is dancing oh sooo good.'' and huh I said I would go, but he pushed me back and didn't let me , not that I wanted but omg...He took me up and down and move it all around with those sexy moves...and than there it was that moment of impact, face to face , nothing else to see nothing else to hear. Nothing just two of us. Nothing matters, the differences, the music taste, clothes, hair, converse,martins or high hells...Bang!!!! his tongue is in my mouth "OMG! pull it out please pull it out! I cant !I want ! where is you're girlfriend! I cant I have someone that I am seeing! Damn you sweet smile!....Oh good he kisses so damn goood"""

-OK! Stop...I cant , you are with my friend and I don't want this, we are different

-Relax, I am not we are just...friends.

-Yep I know ...but still I cant I am not the way you think I am.

-Its just a kiss...

"Maybe for you its just a kiss, for me, that moment i saw my feature!"

So that was almost all of we have had together...a kiss. A damn good one!

I swear I saw my future in his eyes after I drew back, and I was thinking I will die and then I remembered its past you see when you die, so whats with the future? anyway I don't believe in this kind of shit, like Friday 13, black cat, pass under a ladder, curses....neh!

So after that kiss we texted sometimes , just to see whats up in each others life, he started to like and comment on some of my photos and I secretly waited for those days...but I never wanted to believe that he meant something , that I was on a way to fall for him. Neh ,not my style , Its nothing...its just a smile, a look , a kiss...It was half a year ago...After a while he wanted to see me,and I havent told my friend about this, I was feeling guilty for something and I don't know what...I told her from time to time that he writes me and he is boring, but he wasn't boring....he was fun and smart and I enjoyed to text with him or talk and hide from rest of the world. So many times he wanted to go out, to meet me for a walk, even to wait for me on a airport...And I didn't wanted to. The timing wasn't right, everything was wrong, I couldn't...I just didn't wanted. I ran all the time when he asked for a closely look...And back to my Friday. It had been more than a month how we didn't texted, I was off and I didn't told him I came back. Even that I had promised I will and he will come to meet me at airport. So today this Friday I texted him...And we agreed to see each other. So i went to work and come back home.I spent the rest of the day getting ready to meet my perfect guy with sparkling sexy smile..."Oh Ybell, do you hear yourself, it has been 5 hours and you are not ready , you'll miss your train young lady''. 

"I got this, I have to , whats wrong with me?Its just a guy...And he is not going to like me anyway , I am not his type...omg I even don't know nothing to talk about...what about music he listen?nope, nothing...compliments?oh on what? jokes work with jokes'' ready to go...all dressed up,make up,purse,hair,smile,all check...go! I ran but the train went before of my eyes...'''Damn, this is not good ,all day I was so active and all went perfect,whats wrong? I am nervous? haha nope that's not good.'' After running and waiting for one more hour for the train I got somehow in front of his home, he waited for me to lead me upstairs in his apartment.

-Hi 

-Hi, all good? you look gorgeous!

"for sure, he doesn't like it'' -Well, thank you, youre not bad yourself, long time non seen.

-yeah, how are you ?

-Good, you? 

as we walked the stairs and have this small talk I felt my heart bumping like crazy. ''I am shy now?''

So we talk and talk all kind of staffs I even don't know where from came all those  because we are so different, not to much in common ...till now...

-Do you want a glass of vine?

-Why? you cant hit on me if you don't get me drunk?

we laugh and talk and the night started very pleasant.and he showed me his work and some old photos, things he had around in his mac. And then there was this look and his lips so close to mine I felt his breathing, and my heart. And there it was that amazing kiss, again and again , but now my mind was empty, world was empty,everything was vanished...just two of us and this amazing feeling that owervelmed my body. his arms touched my hair and I was afraid he will stop...but he didn't..he touched my neck and chest ,and he went down to my legs , pushed me over in his arms got me up and took me to his bedroom...he puts me down slowly and kisses my neck and whispered in my ears

-Do you want me to stop?

-No , just don't stop... 

I cant think...this moments are empty all I know is only the feeling...that's all I feel so intense every touch, every kiss ,every beat of our hearts. He pushed me over a wall and his hands started to undress me slowly...all my body was trembling between his legs my knees, his lips on my neck his hands on my hips and next that I know we were naked. The sheets felt from  bed, we even didn't noticed, music was playing in the back so slow like it was following our movement, the light was so weak that I could see only shadows and I felt our skin touching each other, so sweaty ...That night was something that I have never expected. I felt asleep in his arms, naked ( I never slept naked) and I felt his touches and kisses all over my body, all  night long.

In the morning...I was lucky I didn't work that Saturday so I could sleepover a bit longer, he woke me up with a cup of perfect black coffee and a breakfast. ''not bad for a guy like you'' sometimes its not important  how big the difference are between you too because that's what brought us together. High hells and Dr.martins.

To be continued...

xoxo Ybell