Burn it down... be his queen!

I try to hold on but it hurts like crazy, I try to forgive but it looks like its not enough.
I try to be nice and sweet and all that shit and its never enough, I try to be a fucking bitch and its over the board... I try.. Anything. I try not to hurt you and I hurt myself, I try not to hurt me and I hurt you. Its the last time I promise like last night...but I'm so sick of everything and I'm not scared that you are so far from me , I am scared that you are near to persons that are not me.
Oh well they say devil comes on earth dressed like a perfect irresistible man, that you cant resist but become dependent on his love.The thing is that you are my devil and I accepted to dance with you . I knew I was crazy when I gave you my heart without even a blink of an eye.And you made me fall in love so deep that I cant leave ever because I am hocked on your love, you make me an addicted with every kiss, every touch and every time you look at me the way you do.
So many times I tried to run, but I just cached myself running back to you. I don't know anything anymore, my safe place is in your arms. They are protective and warm. You love me , but we are leaving in hell. I love you , and I love all about you, you show me that I am more than I ever knew... And you burn me and make me walk barefoot on that fire, and I started not to mind. But remember dear all of it you teached me , made me stronger, braver... Don't play with the fire that once was yours , now I hold it. for you, for me , for us...
I felt in love with that angel face holding the arrow. Oh I was impressed that you didn't trow it at me but you took it and gaved it to me. Made me your queen. Made me the one with all the power , so that others can bow down in front of your Queen.
The truth is , devil does come in the perfect form that you just cant resist, and your get hooked , but be sure that arrow is yours . Be his , be above all of them, be the queen and make his fire burn just for you.
If you cant handle it , don't fall in love with arrow man.
xoxo
Ybella

The monster

-Hello sweetie , long time ...
-Hi, well I didn't missed you so much, you can leave and never come back...please!
- No sweetie , cuz you cant really live without me...
-I can, you just don't let me.
-We go way back dear, I cant leave you now...could I?

                                                        ...................................................

It started in my early years, I was around 7 maybe , because I think that's the time I remember this started...but I'm not quite sure. I remember only that I was scared. I hate the evening light when my eyes cant adjust to it , and then there was a program on tv with some animals singing, for kids, and then there was hot chocolate milk and that smell, sweet smell...And time for sleep! pyjamas and bad.
I was scare that I have a monster under my bad and if my feet or hand or anything gets out of bad or slip from under my blanket that monster will grab me. Well that seems that all kids have some kind of scary thing in their childhood didn't they? only my brother wasn't afraid of anything because he believed in superman , and he will recur him no matter what no matter who. No monsters in his area.
Well I guess I was just sensible and spoiled. But no one told me the monster can live trough your life and never leave.
Here and there he took a vacation, probably giving me some hopes that he will never come back , but lately he wont leave. The thing is I wonder why?
You see until my high school I slept with my light on. I guess it was my deafens mode for my monster. Than I started to tell someone to close it when I am asleep, after a wile I started to sleep in a darker room but I still needed to see in the dark just a spot of light, and after I nailed it sleeping in total dark.
Now it started not so long ago again. the monster is back and guess what! he wants to stay... And I try not to give him attention but he is damn strong. Believe me I'm not near those 7 years , I'm not teenager , but I guess my life path how I imagine took round tour and nothing is how I planed . I think I cant do nothing about it, just try to stay focused and fight for what I want never to give up on my dreams... This was and still is a though year and this little bastard doesn't make it easier. will someone just babysit him for like the rest of his life :))))))
I'm joking. What is life without a little humor right? well I guess its all about the monsters. The weird thing is I am again fighting with the light and my fear , but the monster was never under the bad...All this time he is making himself comfortable in my had. :) I do love him and we have a long history together but he must go , once and forever.
Now he is packing his bags...
                         
                                                   .........................................................................

-Goodbye sweetie! It was fun living in your had, its full of everything., i will miss you!
-Well bye dear old friend , i wont miss you for sure , but thanks for making me stronger.
- I have an advice for you sweetie, please make an order in your mind, its a mess. I will go now but remember if you are strong enough nothing can brake you and ill stay forever on my vacation.
- thanks monster, take your time, find your crew and miss me from a very long distance.
- now bye bye sweetie, remember you are a strong woman now !

I smiled and waved ...goodbye my little monster friend...maybe i will miss you sometimes. but don't come back ! ever...

xoxo Ybell

Cosmopolitan city

When I heard his steps coming forward to me, I just run so fast and jump into his arms...that feeling...Omg that feeling is really something. I can't tell you what you feel its beyond words, its like thousand of feelings all together ... like happiness and love and safety and herrer and butterfly's and bubbles and your heart ...you just can't count the beats...it will explode!
It's so hot outside and I just feel sweaty , I just see shower in front of me and bed, our soft bed where we will cuddle for a week, a month , forever... just ...there is coffee and work and lunch and dinner and all that routine stuff. But let me live my dream and life I love!
As I saw the apartments, well it was fine , just fine , maybe even a luxury because I have seen worst. For me it doesn't matter as long as I'm happy and safe and home. Because my home is in his arms. So I can live as good as in apartment , house, car, camp or under the bridge as I am home. The city , well the city...First days I was kind of feeling alone , and we need to get it worked out , I have been lost two times in the same street. I couldn't remember the ; name the fucking name of the street, it had nothing to bound with, but finally I know now all the zone, I learned the streets the transportation and well something something just to feel home. So the nights... is what I loved the most. When we were together . Just walking around in the streets , where you can see every time you pass trough something new , even after just half an hour.That is how amazing this city is.. I had made some baby steps in our new city , our new place, our new life. Well right! it isn't easy at all, but we can do it . You know how they say. Love always win!
Life there is how you make it. It can be easy or hard, it can be fast or slow. Its an cosmopolitan city ! It is a wonderful city with a lot to discover. And after years I am sure nobody knows it. Every day is an adventure, every day is a challenge.. But you can be you and no one will judge you , well almost no one :) . So I decided after the first shitty impression that I had or at least I thought I had because I didn't saw or feel nothing near the city bits...I decide , we will start here. Our story from beginning. This is a place for us.
Its a city multinational, multicultural, historical with a lot of secrets a lot of dreams and a lot of magic, it only depends on you if you want to make it come true. Its a city where east, west and new comes all in one. where people look at you but you are proud of being you , where dreams can be reality. Here is where my love story , my career and my life will start.
Welcome to Berlin!

 ( copy right I.R)

Xo xo
Ybella

Its not me , its you..

What if it is really you?
How many time we say yeah its not you , its me...just to not hurt that other person. Why? Do they care not to hurt us? Well if they protect you all this time than its sertenly good to say its not you its me, but otherwise just go with its totally you.I don't get how we always get boned to that guys that are bad for us? or girls... its equal from both part there are all of us out there bad just bad for other one.

It just came to my mind today why every time I have to be the one to change? Why? didn't you just met me like I am, why you want to change me? to hurt me? to not respect my priorities if I respect yours? And If I say to him , please change something its irrelevant what ever it is I ask for he just has always the same excuse " I'm not used to such a commitment" or " I'm not changing for anyone" .
Well first of all when you are already in this relationship that means commitment , understanding, respect and most of all compromises. Where am I doing wrong? I ask and I want to talk and find a compromises to be good for both but I just feel  like I'm fighting alone. Ok maybe sometime I'm just overreacting... And than the second thing... I'm not anyone, I'm the one! And if there is something that I know is that I'm wort it , that you change for me. because I'm not gonna be the only grown up and I will not be the only one to change and do something ...
Where there in any relationship there has to be two ways working like one. If there is not compromises , understanding, respect, open talk, love and all that ...it will never work. As for me , I know what I want... If the other half is not willing to make an effort , well he isn't the one. As for you out there , find that one who will do anything for you ( and I'm not exaggerating ) just anything... that's the one and you deserve the best! Remember its not you....
xo xo
Ybell

Fight for your dreams

When you really want something you will have it, make it happen no mater what. Life is to short to wait always wait for something or someone. I decided to take this vacation even i don't know how will I manage to survive without money but I really think I can and that not all is about money . So a lot of you out there would say well you know I don't have money for this for that... That's not true there is always and believe me its so true...there is always a way to make what you want. So start today and make your dreams come true. Never lose hope!

Today a friend of mine send  me a photo that her dream came true. And right now I am very very happy for her. It doesn't mater that it passed like more than five years to make it happen, she did it! and I am very proud of her. That made me think ...I have always said that when you wish for something you should be careful because you never know when there is a magic in the stars and it can just happen. So I was always thinking what did I do wrong in life ( not that I have been a saint , we all are sinners...) but really having some though time here for few years now. And then it hit me , life is just getting me ready for future. To be strong and not to get out of the right path.
So, as I told you . Its never easy but if you wish for it strong enough it will come true and you cant just sit under the sky and wait for it to fall, of course you have to do something for it , fight for what you want , wish and deserve, go chase your dreams and make them come true don't just sit and watch how they pass you.
Sometime when I look back ( and this is not too gut cuz past is past) I see myself how accomplished I was. I had a work and family and university going on step by step from my twenty something and I think - then why people always wait for something and never have that perfect life. And after two years of perfection I almost hit the bottom. Yeah it was hard, hard enough that depression anxiety and panic had become my bff's for a wile. I always looked back how happy I was and how I had it all... And then one morning I woke up took my baggage and start from zero, without nothing , just nothing.I wont lie to you it was hard and it still is.. Sometimes my old bffs come over for visit but I know now how to handle them. I just had to wake up. Nothing was perfect back then I just lived a dream my way but I never saw outside the box. Now after this whole time I am still vulnerable , sensitive and a bit of a mess but that's me and I will fight and I will chase my dreams step by step ... And one day Ill have it all.
Life did gave me a hard mission , but there are other people out there struggling more than me. And they have to look up and fight for better tomorrow , for their dreams, for them. Nobody will be there to give you a hand , you need to believe in yourself and be strong for you in the first place.
Now, I'm still on my way to my dreams but they are there I know. I started a little project that I love to work, step by step and I am thankful for the first step. In few days I'll be it the arms of my love, that God put him on my life path to show me that there is still love on this Planet and that not all guys are the same. And my dream start to take life ...step by step...
I wish you all to bring your dreams to life and make them come true for your happiness. Fight for them and always be thankful for what you have, because there are others that don't have what you have. Be thankful, be happy , be strong...
xo xo

Photo sources ( Google images)

Ybell

two in one

"-Let me think...so you were dating both of them?

- Yeah..First I was with Steve and after , well we broke up a year or two ago and then I get in touch with his brother and well I was with him. But I didn't sleep with neither of them.

-Than I don't get it...You were with two brothers , you didn't slept with none of them, just kissing and walking around?

-Yeah. So literally I wasn't with them.

-And then for what? Do they kiss too good? how did you miss their dad?

- Come on, you are just rude now.. Your my best friend,,,

-I'm just joking , I don't judge remember...But I don't get you. I just cant imagine that , for me its disgusting but well you wanted to see witch ones DNK fits better with your saliva . hahahha

-Well yeah , I wont tell you nothing anymore,

-Well come on Im joking. And I always was like how guys can be with two sisters? Are those sisters stupid or what? and now my bestie was with two brothers,,,well that's new,,,

-Yeah sweetie, you should try ,

-Nope hun I just cant its too much for me. "

Sourse: (Google Image)

So what is the real story behind being with two siblings, I thin if I had a sister well I wouldn't hate her being with my ex but come on, that's just what... I don't get it, I get guys , they wanna get both have fun and whatever because they are guys and they do this things , but girls... And buying a car and not testing it.. Well for what then?

Than ...a flesh came back  from the past. My exes brother came at some party after few years that we broke up, we all still were friends. Ok so this bro came to me like "who's gonna take you home dear". well I came with some friends so I was showing him the crew and we had a lil chat and jokes and bla bla old times of course about his bro and so on... the night get to an end and here we are back at the same question :

"Hi , so are you going home?

- well yeah I just have to pick up my jacket . So everybody left somehow I was alone. mmm, but that was fine I was just few blocks from my place.

-Let me take you home its dark and you are alone anything can happen,

-Yeah right, I'm fine.

-Well I go in the same direction.

-Ok, sure. "Well here I was thinking he is just polite and he is my exes bro after all...and we were like best buddies back in  time..So we walked and talked and laugh and so on...when we reach the porch I gave him a hug and wanted to get my keys , but he reached my hand and puled me like so near his face that I could see his mustache started to grow ...OMG!

"-mmmm ok, wait what is this about. I just got myself out of the" danger zone"

-I just sorry I was thinking...I just ...wanted to kiss you.

-Damn! No you were not thinking!!!!Are you stupid? Ok I know you had drinkd like too much bu that's never an excuse and Hell NO , I'm not gonna kiss you like ever!

-I'm so sorry."

He turned around and literally run. So Why did I felt like shit? I was yelling that's why, but what was he thinking? I just...I cant understand. Because I was with his brother and I cant never look at him the same way again, because we used to be buddies and that one stupid attempt change all that I was thinking about our "friendship" . And from that night our eyes never met again. Every time " hello, how are you?" he says , facing the ground. 

I think he still feels like shit. 

What about me? I feel fine and proud that not all brothers can have bros exes . That's why I also know if I had a sister we would be those sister no one can have both .

I don't judge you out there who was with both or more siblings that's your choice, but I cant think about me that way. I would feel just cheep. 

Think twice. And whatever you decide just take the right decision so you can walk with your eyes facing the clouds..."

And the real story behind all of this being with two bros or sisters...Well you just don't meant nothing to them, that's one and you know it. If you want to get revenge on the first (because a lot of girls do this shit), well honey they will laugh at you because "bros before hos" and that's forever, and I still think you can do better than that. No judging, its just me... and of course "chicks before dicks "

Sourse: (Google Image)

Xoxo Ybell

friends or just friends...

Well this will always be kind of unanswered question. Can a girl and a guy have that bff kind of bound?
In my opinion they can, in others they cant and in others others opinion mmm that's forbidden because they are obviously screwing. Come on now, really! don't you think they would already being there after a week or two if this was on their mind. Well I read all kind of blogs, newspapers, topics with this title and I still don't get it, can they?

 *or maybe never..

What I know is ...If one of them want to screw the other they would do it by now and they will do it eventually if they don't care about the rest. So if you are a girl, I'm writing from my point of view because I'm not having a facial hair and I definitely don't have, those 20+cm hanging between my legs to tell you from their point , but I can tell you this : If your boyfriend have a girl in his crew like for years (because friendship is based on years of building it) they already screwed each other before you and she is obviously out of the view since you are his girlfriend , fiance or wife right now and you don't have to worry about it because it had happened in past and that's past, you haven't been a saint -so face it. If they didn't do it by now they wont do it because they are just fiends and you have your guy friends ( find it if you don't, they don't bite, they can be friends with you and they are much more bff than girls), and if there was at some point attraction, that's also in the past... So get over that stupid thing that girl and boy can not be friends, they can . Now things change ... If that really bothers you , talk with him. He is your guy and before anyone he should be your bff and you should be his, so talk about it and clear the air. Now before you were his , he had friends, exes and all those girls there around, but since you got your place in his heart and life you should be the first girl he talks to about anything.He will chose you before any of them, if he is really your half. But there are those kind of girls that thinks that you stole from them and he belongs to them in first place, talk about that too. Here is a tip: become friend with his friends so you can know what happens in his friendship life. This way you get to know them all and see by yourself is there a truth or its just in your mind. If there is a girl who doesn't make a bound of friendship with you too, she doesn't make time to meet with you both , she calls him and writes him after midnight (here I dont ment sos sms) , she exchange those kind of 18+ or sexy or whatever photos  or she ignores her boyfriend to talk to yours, than that is a friend who wants to screw your guy. Because guys have a little limited thinking and they don't use their brain as far as we do, take the situation in your hand and deal with it , but like a lady. Always act like a lady. because you are one and you should act like it. Now back on girl - guy friendship... Me , personally , I really think they can be just friends but there should be some restrictions when you have a relationship and that you should talk with your half. As for you, make some boundaries between your guy friends so they know where they stand from the beginning.
We were talking about years of friendship, what about new one? that's easy. When you start to be friend with a new friend of opposite sex you just have to say "We are just friends, I am in a relationship and I'm not screwing you, ever!'' If they are still there, than they are JUST friends my dears. And for those who are oldies they should already know " We are just friends, this is what we signed for "

So we can be friends all of us as long as we know what we can and what we cant screw .


Xoxo Ybell