After rain there is always a rainbow

Rainbow... oh that beautiful colors!
After rain there always come sun...and in between there is a beautiful rainbow showing you that life is all about waiting, because good things come to those who wait for it. At some point.There can not be only darkness and rain and depression there are so much more beautiful things to smile and be happy , and feel positive about. Wishes and hopes. They all come true if you know to Wait.
Lately I run out of patience... but I am on my Wait to gain it again and wait for that perfect moment. I wont let it go away, I just waited so much years to be happy , and finally I will fight for it until my last breath. I know I deserve more and it will come until than I'll have to believe and have patience. I guess all of this happens for a reason, reason that we don't know... At least if something goes wrong I'll stand up and take it like a lesson.
I am used to lose things but I wont lose anymore, I'll fight for my rights and for what I deserve in this life. I'll fight for love that made me happy after all this casing around for that perfect person. And now what? When I finally got him I just wont let it go no matter how hard it gets, at the end of the road all of it will be worth it.
I stay and think, days passing away making us a distance lovers but actually we are toghether because we carry us in our hearts. And the moment when we will see each other at the airport, that will be the moment we waited for , that kiss, that hug...Magic !
Yes I believe in fairy tales in miracles and magic, that's why every day there is a bit of sparkle in my life. I hang around searching for better making sacrifices , walking trough the fire... But I'm not sorry for that. Its life. Its a life full of adventure , full of what is worth living and fighting for. I found you. I wont let you go. I'll be there, at that moment. Just believe. In us ...Believe in Magic. Its real. Our Love is more than just magic. And every magic comes with a price...This is the price we have to pay. And for our Love its cheep. I would do all over again if I had to.
Just wait for it. You will laugh so hard in the future when you look back on the time you walked over all obstacles with your had up , proud and strong!
Love you forever...
There comes a rainbow...Sun is near...Believe in magic... The rain passed , but we were dancing in it.

Xoxo Ybell

Walking on the edge

They say there is no saint on earth.  As we born we already have sined .
All our lives we try to be the best of ourselves. We search for perfection in everything. Looking not to  lose faith and be carefull to not sin. We try to be as clean as we can. For us , for people that make part of our lives.  We are scared of disappointment . We lie to make it easier and not to hurt . We try to tell truth not to hurt and make it easier . And there is always a fight inside of us what is really good what is the right pat to walk on? You chose and then you are afraid what if you didn't chose right. But life is a battle that we have to win. There somewhere our destiny is already written but we are the one who can make a step over and change the scenario. Maybe not all of it because it is what it is and once you know you're strength you can move mountains.
I tried to show you the point where we stand. You cut my wings. The only thing that I knew you will understand. The only person I had faith in had disappointed me and left me to wait at the edge alone. You wasn't there anymore. You lost yourself in a world full of stuff that you don't need around you and trowed away the hand that Holdes you for better or for worst.
I had gave you my heart I belived in you ... I belived that it will be safe and sound in you're hands. You broke it like a piece of glass . It just started to heal but it hadn't a chance to get all back togheter. I have had sold my soul for you're happyness and in return you made me a cold queen. I belived in every lie you told me. I have had take care of you're everything , you're heart was never in a better place. You stole it back and trowed mine away. I can't find it in the endless abis of lost hearts. All I can hear is screams , pain and tears. Never had a chance to take you up in the Skye to show you the beauty of untouched , unbraked love. Never had a chance...
To everything there comes an end. I guess we are walking on ours. And nothing hurted me ever so bad like loseing myself for you.
Guess you chose you're future... I have lost mine.
Be positive they say, be optimistic, be strong! Nobodey told me how...
Xoxo Ybell

New start and old habits

To start all over again is the hardest thing to do, say some people. For me it is a way of living. Every day is a new start. In last ten years , my life takes all over again almost every two years., sometimes I even belive  I was born to be a gypsie.. new country's ,new job , new friends, new food,new cloths , new air... Every time it happens to me I try to get out the best of me. After some time it starts to be hard... Everything stress you , all seems to get harder than last time and more hardest ist to be confident that all of it will get back togheter one day. How days pass away I try to think positive and belive in myself ... But the most hardest is not to lose faith and believe that this new temptations all around you will not change that person you are.
When this doubts starts it is not only hard to belive in you , it's hard to belive in anyone. The control over you is in your hands they say... Than why is it so hard?
For this moments you need to have friends and family there for you. And if you're love one is someone who gets you up, understands and suport you, respect and is proud of you . You are lucky . In this days there are few lucky bastards to have someone like that in theyr life. And belive me that shit means more than you can imagine. All of the way here I am proud to say I have all of them. My family that suports all my gipsy moves and I know I can always go back home of something gets wrong , but I feel them suporting and loving me and I just won't let them down. I want to make them proud. Because I am proud I have them and if I would be born again I would chose them every time.I have my friends. The best once. Few but fucking worth to call them my friends. They are there for me, they understand me, they love me for who I am. They help me in any time , just a phon away. They are the one I will call to help me move a bodey in the midle if night and they are the one that will lie and cover me up till the end. All secrets in a box till grave, because with them they are safe. That's a friend, when you don't tell "please don't tell this ever" they look at you and just know. They are the one you look at and laught like crazy when no one but you understands. Thanks to them and they know who they are.  And then ther is  that one special person. The one you love with all you're heart. The one that you respect and get a respect back, the one who listen to you when you tell how was your day and complain all over again. The one who knows you're Sens of humor and laught every time. The one you can call  that cute names . The one that when something hurts you his touch heals  it every time. The one who kisses you amazingly good. The one who knows you're deepest pleasure . The one who feels you're happiness , sandness, pain, pleasure even when you are miles away. The one who knows the right moment . The one who tells you I love you every day and brings you flower for no reason, just because it's Wednesday ... And yes I will fall in love with him every day for the rest of my life because I am one of lucky bastards to have my love around.
For this new beginnings you need those people who know you and are there for you and respect you for you're old habits. You need people that gives you that unconditional love. Make them proud make them feel you are the best that happend to them because they are there for you every time you start over.
I love you and I am thankfull for all of you being part of my new beginings , because I can't live without my old habits. Unconditional love is our password. Love you all guys. And missing you is the hardest thing , thanks for the support all this years... Beeing you're daughter ,friend and girlfriend is a privilege in this life of mine.
P.S. Next destination is you ❤️
Xoxo Ybell

Lets pack and start over again

Looking at this blank new page today I felt that I don't want to mess it unless Its for a good reason. Waked up this morning , my eyes where opened straight to the window. The view is so gray and its raining. For some reason the sky is crying. And I am lazy to get up from my cozy bad. Its soft and warm, and kind of colorful. Of course it is, it is the second best cozy thing , the first one is naturally his hug. Coffee is on the table and I really need it right now , I'm getting more and more nervous, my charger is dead and it works like s#it , i need to press it up or down its getting on my nerves and I try to avoid to pack. Yes today I have to pack my bag for one more chapter in this life of mine. I am going to a new start.

I have never been scared to let everything behind and start over, to just pack ,take a risk and go somewhere for a new beginning, for some new meaning , for how and what I can do to improve this life and help my family. The sad thing is, I realized my country  tired of all in it. Nothing is improving, noting is going for better , no matter how hard those idiots on tv are trying to lye to us. That's media ,that's just what we need to hear to don't lose hope. And I lost that hope...I lost this feeling of safeness in this coutry,I have no hopes for futere here. I am sad every time I go because of course I love my country I have been born here and my childhood is here, my family ,bu I am traveling a lot taking other opportunities and risks to make it easier for a better life, at least I try, its not easy, I am a refugee everywhere and they point you to feel like an outsider, but there is future, outside this mess. Every time when I come back from wherever I traveled to search for better future and life happening , here in my country the  people I know are looking stressed , depressed, older, poorer,  every time is this sader picture of them...Its sad.. I am sad to see my country sinking. But what can I do? I am one little figurine.I can pack and go wherever I can to fight for a better future ,for me and my family.
Once upon a time it was easier , life here was better. And than there started wars and  greed and bastards took a piece of it by the time it came to nothing. I assume one day it will no longer exist on maps. But no one cares. The youngs are looking to go somewhere to start a new life , fresh one, because how I say its a strugle every day for surviveing and the older are just tired of fighting and they are old, they lived a good life once they wont leave it, because here is everything they worked and fighted for.Once...

For me, I guess I knew it wasn't for me to live here. I want to discover, to learn , to see, to experience...I am sick of poorness and greed , of people becoming mad on their life. I love my life and my place is where my heart is.  No matter how hard I have to fight , Ill do it and whenever I have to start over again I will. We are send here to live this life not to be passengers in it. I want memories , good once and a happy family, I want love and beautiful childhood for my kids and I want to grow old with my soul mate in peace and accomplished life. I don't want luxury I want the best life I can make for us. I think I don't ask for too much. That's why Ill do everything in my power to have it. Faith and destiny is written for us...and we cant change it, but we can make it better and wort living for.
So its time for me to move this lazy ass , start the day, start packing and start over again. Fight for what you need , for what you want. Fight with love in your heart and flowers in your hair. Fight with positivity and show to the World that you are worth of being happy and live that life you want for you and your loved one. Nobody say its easy. Its hard and the road will be full of thorns, but the roses at the end are amazingly speechlessly beautiful. If you don't do it , nobody will serve you the life you deserve. I wont live by the rules my country serves me, they cut every road I tried to make here. I wont let nobody to tell me how to live my life. I will fight with all my strength to get there and make my family proud, to make myself proud, to be with the one I love. I believe in fairytale and I will do everything to have mine like I want it to be. My prince charming is waiting for me and Ill be there.My fairytale must be written with colorful ink ..."and they lived happily ever after!"

XoxoYbell

Love me, need me...

- I told you every day and I still do it...Every day and night babe , I tell you I love you.
"Isn't that actually normal to tell someone that you love them when you do? let me think.... it isn't only that its normal , you tell them when you feel it." -Actually yes you do that but I do the same don't I? But I think that's the right way to express , that's our thing, that we do from the beginning ..We tell each other every night before sleep I love you"...And every morning Good morning love. But sometimes it isn't enough, we need to show it from time to time, with those little meanless things that the other person do for you. Actually after a wile without expressing that love with more than just verbal , it can be confused  with an habit. Don't let  your thing to become a routine, that's not love, that's just "I'm already used to it...Its a habit" .I never want to be a habit , I want to be a need!
Like a woman, I need to feel that you actually want and need me in you're life. I don't want to feel like I am only you're girlfriend. Those little things , those meanless things you do ...Those make me feel like one in a lifetime kind of woman. I don't compete with other girls just because I know that I'm the one you need. In the morning to be the first thing you see and in the night the last you kiss. I need to know that you are proud of me , that you talk about me (good things of course :P) that you appreciate things I do, that I am always on you're mind almost like obsession. And that's a woman you need in you're life. The one that makes you smile, the one that her eyes you see everywhere , the one that you call first when there is something going on , good or bad,,,because you know you can tell her everything ,that you can count on hers support , that woman when you're hurt she touches you and you are healed.

In a life time we often search for that perfect love, but we never see the imperfection that makes us together a perfect couple with that perfect love. Each of us has a different pattern of perfection, there doesn't exist just one perfect path...And we are searching for it all of our lives because we know there somewhere in this World our better half is waiting for us to find them. Open you're eyes, you're arms and you're heart. He/She is there somewhere.
Its hard to find that one that deserves all of you.  And when you find it ...love hurts , love is not just beautiful and full of sugar and butterflies, there are tears and spice and hard times. But when you know its the right person , all of it is worth it,

In a lifetime we fall in love so many times , some of us every week others every year ...But the truth is we fall in love yes many times but we love for real just once.
From when I was little I was very in love kind of girl. I felt in love with my best friend , my neighbor, my colleague, a simple passer-by,a bus driver, a professor, ex boyfriend, ex husband... They had something that I loved about them... But what love actually is and what means to love I saw a year ago. You know that saying " everything is milk and honey in the beginning" , I agree it is , but it can still be all the time if  it is the right person. I said earlier that love also is spice and hurts, yes it is when there are impediments and everybody around you tells you " you two are not gonna make it". It hurts like hell. Its hard when there are problems, when there is distance, when there is jealousy. How time passes by its even harder, but guess what? When you two are fighting that battle together and you tell each other everyday how much you care, how everything is shit but you are strong because you're love is unique and stronger than all those gossip, when every night there is "I love you babe" and every morning there is "good morning love"... When there is a call at unexpected time, when there is a letter that no one else is writing anymore, when there is a random flower from the street, when there is smiles and tears at the same time, when there is weakness and happiness , when there is suspicions and answers , when there is that strong unit love....And million other things, bad and good, when there is you and him...You're gonna get over that impediment one way or another, because faith brings you this great love and shows you why all others didn't fit in you're life... And you feel that butterflies and those tears...you want to scream and few minutes later he makes you laugh like crazy... you just know that's the gr8 love everybody talks about but just few are lucky enough to find it.
"I love you babe, good night!"

XoXo Ybell