Burn it down... be his queen!

I try to hold on but it hurts like crazy, I try to forgive but it looks like its not enough.
I try to be nice and sweet and all that shit and its never enough, I try to be a fucking bitch and its over the board... I try.. Anything. I try not to hurt you and I hurt myself, I try not to hurt me and I hurt you. Its the last time I promise like last night...but I'm so sick of everything and I'm not scared that you are so far from me , I am scared that you are near to persons that are not me.
Oh well they say devil comes on earth dressed like a perfect irresistible man, that you cant resist but become dependent on his love.The thing is that you are my devil and I accepted to dance with you . I knew I was crazy when I gave you my heart without even a blink of an eye.And you made me fall in love so deep that I cant leave ever because I am hocked on your love, you make me an addicted with every kiss, every touch and every time you look at me the way you do.
So many times I tried to run, but I just cached myself running back to you. I don't know anything anymore, my safe place is in your arms. They are protective and warm. You love me , but we are leaving in hell. I love you , and I love all about you, you show me that I am more than I ever knew... And you burn me and make me walk barefoot on that fire, and I started not to mind. But remember dear all of it you teached me , made me stronger, braver... Don't play with the fire that once was yours , now I hold it. for you, for me , for us...
I felt in love with that angel face holding the arrow. Oh I was impressed that you didn't trow it at me but you took it and gaved it to me. Made me your queen. Made me the one with all the power , so that others can bow down in front of your Queen.
The truth is , devil does come in the perfect form that you just cant resist, and your get hooked , but be sure that arrow is yours . Be his , be above all of them, be the queen and make his fire burn just for you.
If you cant handle it , don't fall in love with arrow man.
xoxo
Ybella

The monster

-Hello sweetie , long time ...
-Hi, well I didn't missed you so much, you can leave and never come back...please!
- No sweetie , cuz you cant really live without me...
-I can, you just don't let me.
-We go way back dear, I cant leave you now...could I?

                                                        ...................................................

It started in my early years, I was around 7 maybe , because I think that's the time I remember this started...but I'm not quite sure. I remember only that I was scared. I hate the evening light when my eyes cant adjust to it , and then there was a program on tv with some animals singing, for kids, and then there was hot chocolate milk and that smell, sweet smell...And time for sleep! pyjamas and bad.
I was scare that I have a monster under my bad and if my feet or hand or anything gets out of bad or slip from under my blanket that monster will grab me. Well that seems that all kids have some kind of scary thing in their childhood didn't they? only my brother wasn't afraid of anything because he believed in superman , and he will recur him no matter what no matter who. No monsters in his area.
Well I guess I was just sensible and spoiled. But no one told me the monster can live trough your life and never leave.
Here and there he took a vacation, probably giving me some hopes that he will never come back , but lately he wont leave. The thing is I wonder why?
You see until my high school I slept with my light on. I guess it was my deafens mode for my monster. Than I started to tell someone to close it when I am asleep, after a wile I started to sleep in a darker room but I still needed to see in the dark just a spot of light, and after I nailed it sleeping in total dark.
Now it started not so long ago again. the monster is back and guess what! he wants to stay... And I try not to give him attention but he is damn strong. Believe me I'm not near those 7 years , I'm not teenager , but I guess my life path how I imagine took round tour and nothing is how I planed . I think I cant do nothing about it, just try to stay focused and fight for what I want never to give up on my dreams... This was and still is a though year and this little bastard doesn't make it easier. will someone just babysit him for like the rest of his life :))))))
I'm joking. What is life without a little humor right? well I guess its all about the monsters. The weird thing is I am again fighting with the light and my fear , but the monster was never under the bad...All this time he is making himself comfortable in my had. :) I do love him and we have a long history together but he must go , once and forever.
Now he is packing his bags...
                         
                                                   .........................................................................

-Goodbye sweetie! It was fun living in your had, its full of everything., i will miss you!
-Well bye dear old friend , i wont miss you for sure , but thanks for making me stronger.
- I have an advice for you sweetie, please make an order in your mind, its a mess. I will go now but remember if you are strong enough nothing can brake you and ill stay forever on my vacation.
- thanks monster, take your time, find your crew and miss me from a very long distance.
- now bye bye sweetie, remember you are a strong woman now !

I smiled and waved ...goodbye my little monster friend...maybe i will miss you sometimes. but don't come back ! ever...

xoxo Ybell