Are you jealous?

Why are we so jealous?

Because we have something to lose...

I was thinking a lot lately about this feeling. It was kind of strange to me. Maybe I was jealous before, but not so much or maybe I wasn't really jealous I just pretended to be because I was thinking it was normal when you love someone, when you don't have that certain something, when there are skinnier girls...but i lied to myself, I wasn't really I just pretended and that's not because I didn't love that guy ,but  maybe it was "whatever" for me if  I lose him, I will cry a month than get over him and met someone else. Than whenever I saw something I wanted, I was thinking I can buy it one day when I make my money ( I still think so about things that I wish for, I will work my ass of if I want that car or house or work or clothes or furniture...) and if someone is skinnier than me , I must be honest I don't like anorexia. So I always find a way not to be jealous... 

But seems like nowadays I started to be best friend with this feeling. And to be honest I don't like it at all...So I started to do some research why am I jealous? Of what can I be jealous , because I always find a way to make it trough this feeling.for example  like yesterday , I saw this amazing shoes and I really really wanted them, and one girl before me bought a pair and I was thinking ''oh I am so jealous she bought those and I have no money for this once'', then I remembered how I have a lot of pairs home but I really really want those, and then I told myself I will buy them when I make those money. And the feeling went away. So I can manage this felling and I am not jealous anymore, I hate the feeling , I don't need it. And then it hit me , why I feel jealousy...Because I care and I am scared not to lose my S.O.

So I will tell you how this feeling started to live inside my body even when I was so sure it will never happen to me. I started to care and love and be afraid. That's when jealousy made place inside me when I start to be afraid of losing him. I don't care about those shoes i will have them one day, I don't care if I got fatter than Victoria's Secret models I can go to gym , eat less, there are a lot of thing to do to prevent being jealous, but when it comes to you're S.O you get jealous because you know there isn't r someone else to replace him/ her. Ok there is , the World is full of people , but when you know there isn't the same one... 

So I am in love now . And I know  he is jealous too, sometimes too much , but I cant complain , I kind of like it and sometimes I like to tizz him just to feel that pleasure when he feels in danger that something is lurking around me. I don't feel guilty , because he does the same. But  I still  hate this feeling of  jealousy, making place in my mind and body without permission. Its fine, we will survive, when there is this little dose of jealousy in relationships, but you got to control it not to grow in a obsession, that is illness.

And than I look in the mirror and tell to myself : ''He picked you against all, he do unique things for you and with you , he tells you every day how much he loves you, he tells you every day how beautiful you are, he tells you how much you mean to him, how much he cares, how he is also afraid not to lose you...Stop worrying for once" 

And I am...I am really grateful that I have this special ,unique S.O.and I do love him, but also I will worry all my life because I care. As for jealousy, welcome you little bastard I think we will hang out for a wile so make yourself comfortable ...

xoxo Ybell

(Photo source: We heart it)